| “ | Miss Zarves, it's so good to see you! How long has it been? | ” |
| — Mrs. Jewls | ||
"The Teacher With the Long Fingernail" is the twenty-eighth chapter of Wayside School Beneath the Cloud of Doom.
Synopsis[]
The students take refuge in Miss Zarves's class.
Plot[]
After the events of the previous chapter, the students rush into the one active classroom, and get seated on the floor. It turns out that this classroom is actually Miss Zarves' class on the school's missing nineteenth floor. Mrs. Jewls immediately recognizes Miss Zarves, and the two catch up with each other due to how rarely they are able to meet up. Calvin briefly interrupts their conversation to give Miss Zarves a note that he's apparently been carrying for a long time. Mrs. Jewls remarks that she thought Calvin already gave her that note, but Calvin doesn't remember doing such a thing.
Miss Zarves remarks that they were getting ready for their history lesson, and asks Mrs. Jewls who her best history student is. Without hesitation, she calls on Myron, who got the highest score on the history portion of the Ultimate Test. For their history lesson, the class is supposed to study every person who has ever lived, something that stumps all the students in Mrs. Jewls's class. Miss Zarves asks Myron what kind of shoes Mary Bopkins liked to wear, but Myron doesn't know who she is. Miss Zarves's students laugh at him, but Miss Zarves tells them that it's not nice to laugh at stupid people. She asks Mark Miller to give the answer, and he asks if she means the Mary Bopkins born in Boston in 1801, or the one born in San Francisco in 1957. Miss Zarves says the one from Boston, and Mark Miller correctly states that she liked to wear red boots. Mrs. Jewls asks if Mary Bopkins was anyone famous, but Miss Zarves explains that she doesn't pick favorites when it comes to studying people.
Miss Zarves goes to the back closet, and pulls out large stacks of paper, listing every person born in 1837. She hands a stack of a hundred papers or more to everyone in the class, and asks them to pass it around. Myron remarks that his paper is in Chinese, and Miss Zarves explains that a lot of people were born in China, before handing him a Chinese dictionary to translate it. For an indeterminate amount of time, Myron sits alone, translating all the names on his page, when he gets an idea. He asks Mark Miller for his safety scissors, which he lends, and walks to the front of the room, asking to trim Miss Zarves's fingernail, which has grown excessively large. Miss Zarves agrees, and has him clip the long nail on her pinky, which he then picks up and lifts in the air. After clipping it, the students find themselves scattered on the staircase. Myron proudly announces that they've collected a million nail clippings.
Characters[]
- Miss Zarves
- Mrs. Jewls
- Mavis Jewls (mentioned, final appearance)
- Calvin
- Myron
- Mary Bopkins (mentioned, only appearance)
- Mark Miller (final appearance)
Trivia[]
- Calvin finally turns in the note he was supposed to deliver in "Calvin." Calvin was correct in saying he never said he delivered it, Mrs. Jewls just assumed he did and Calvin went along with it.
- Although it was suspected that Mark Miller was no longer part of Miss Zarves's class after she had him go to the hospital during "The Lost Ear," this chapter reveals he is still a member of the class.
- This marks the final appearance of Mark Miller, and additionally the last time Mavis Jewls has been mentioned. This marks Miss Zarves's last physical appearance, but she's mentioned one more time in "After the Storm."
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